


like ice in my veins

by BlackBlood1872



Series: Author's Faves [2]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, HugJonSims2k19, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, Web Martin Blackwood, so this is an au at the end haha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 08:37:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19866685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackBlood1872/pseuds/BlackBlood1872
Summary: Jon can count the number of people who have hugged him on his fingers and still have most left over. This is fine.(He's not fine.)[Written for the #HugJonSims2k19 movement on Tumblr]





	like ice in my veins

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted [here](https://blackblood1872.tumblr.com/post/184572359400/so-i-wandered-into-tumblr-today-to-see-a-wave-of) on May 1st. I've edited it a tiny bit but mostly for grammar. Enjoy!

His grandmother was not a tactile woman. Jon can count on one hand the number of times she hugged him within a year, and knows that, in the total amount of time he spent in her care, she couldn’t have embraced him more than twenty times.

He tells himself that this is fine. He didn’t need too many hugs as a child—he was content with his books (when they didn’t try to kill him) and he did have a few friends that he played with, so it wasn’t like he was sad, or never had any human contact.

Still.

Jon will admit that children pushing each other around is different from a family member taking a moment to show they care. And when Jon only had the one family member, who barely wanted to raise him…

Perhaps it wasn’t fine. Perhaps he does care that she… didn’t.

But that’s in the past and he can’t change it, so he doesn’t bother thinking about it. There are much more pressing things to worry about than the pitiful number of hugs he’s gotten in his life.

* * *

Georgie was an affectionate woman. When they started dating (and even for a while before that) she would take any chance she could to press against his side, sling her arms around him, keep him grounded with warm touches.

With her, Jon can count on one hand the number of times she _doesn’t_ hug him when they’re together. During their two year romantic relationship, Jon thinks that she spent ninety percent of it touching him in some way or another.

After their break up, it’s… difficult, to adjust to her absence. He feels cold more often than he ever had before, and phantom sensations run along his skin every time he thinks of her. It’s almost painful, sometimes.

Jon tries not to think about her.

* * *

The Magnus Institute is a professional place of business, and thus casual contact is… not exactly discouraged, but perhaps frowned upon. It’s recommended that you do not start any office romances, and while Jon knows that won’t be a problem for him, it is… disquieting, to be around so many people and still feel utterly alone.

It doesn’t exactly get better when he’s suddenly transferred and promoted to Head Archivist. Now, he works with less people (just a small team of two— _three_ assistants) so feeling lonely isn’t so unexpected, but it also makes any sort of physical contact completely impossible. Fewer people around makes for less accidental contact, and as for purposeful contact—well, he’s their boss now. It’s completely inappropriate and out of the question.

Jon just has to deal with it. He has for years. It won’t be any more difficult than it usually is.

Perhaps one day his use of harsh logic will actually manage to stave off the effects of touch starvation. One can only hope.

* * *

Touch starvation, Jon finds out rather quickly, is not remedied by repeated attempts to kill him.

He’s touched more often these days, but it’s always in anger—with the intent to _hurt_ instead of comfort. Jon would rather never be touched again than deal with one more monster coming to carve off a pound of his flesh.

So the day that Martin finds him and places a hand on his shoulder, fine strands of spider silk brushing lightly against his neck, Jon barely stops himself from crying out of pure exhausted defeat.

But then—Martin tugs him into a gentle embrace, nothing but human warmth behind it, and Jon can’t help but crack, silent tears soaking into the man’s shirt as he hugs back as tightly as he dares.

It's not nearly enough to make up for years of distance, but for right now… it’s more than sufficient.


End file.
